I got this in the mail today and laughed out loud. Apparently, as a fallback career, she's hawking Alaska travel guides. I really hope now we can all officially stop talking about her.
I've attended quite a few rallies in the past few days, and seen an energy and a spirit that certainly would have been useful before Prop 8's passage. We should have been out there before the vote took place, a visible presence EVERYWHERE just like we will be tomorrow in the huge nationwide protest. In fact, we should have taken measures to prevent such an initiative from being put on the ballot in the first place. But we were complacent. We figured it would just get voted down. It didn't.
Like most of us, the passage of Prop 8 caught me by surprise. It seemed inconceivable that more than half of California would vote to take away someone else's rights, on an issue that couldn't affect them less and couldn't mean more to those who had just celebrated gaining these rights. We underestimated the amount of money religious groups would throw into their agenda blurring the line between Church and state to the most frightening degree that I've seen since the decision to allow teaching of "Intelligent Design" in schools. And we underestimated how afraid people really were of us. Because we didn't know any such people. In our world, in the "safe" circles we travel among, it was inconceivable.
But it was the very fact that it seemed so inconceivable that allowed it to happen. As gays, by and large, we gravitate toward areas where we are welcome. And if we don't, we stay out of the way. We try to be good neighbors by not "flaunting" our lifestyle. And we have learned to peacefully coexist with polite neighbors who we would never expect to vote against our civil rights. And yet...
By congregating in our safe communities, there is safety in numbers. We know what happened to blacks in the south who challenged the pervading "separate but equal" wisdom. We know what happened to Matthew Sheperd. And as a result we let fear keep us invisible.
We've compared our struggle to that of blacks or other minorities, and in many ways, it's a very apt comparison. But it's met with resistance from some who say "you can't CHOOSE to be black. It's not the same thing." Of course, we know full well that we can't choose to be gay. We are who we are. And why would we choose to be part of the last group facing legally sanctioned discrimination? It's not a choice any more than it's a choice to be black...Or is it?
Of course being gay is not a choice. But when Rosa Parks boarded her legendary bus, she couldn't simply pretend to be white. Imagine if blacks had had the opportunity to magically appear white any time they were in unsafe territory. Would the civil rights movement have happened at all? On the other hand, we take full advantage of our ability to "pass." When I stop to use the bathroom at a truck stop in South Carolina with confederate flags everywhere, do I tell the cashier my wife is at pump number six? As a general rule, as gays, whenever we're in uncomfortable situations, we effectively render ourselves invisible, telling the hotel clerk, "my friend and I would like a room. Oh, we don't mind one bed, it's okay." We don't kiss in public, or hold hands, outside of western Los Angeles. When someone admires our wedding rings, we thank them and when they ask what our "husbands" do, we don't correct them. Not in Bakersfield. Or Kern County. For the most part, we don't go to Church, or we seek out "gay friendly" churches and abandon the churches we feel abandoned us instead of giving them a reason to accept us. At our parents' requests, we don't tell Uncle Jimmy or Grandma Jane. "Just for thanksgiving," we take off our matching rings and agree to be introduced as "the roommate." No wonder they say we can "choose" to be gay. They know full well we can't choose our sexuality. But we can certainly choose invisibility in a way most minorities never can. But it's that choice that keeps people from knowing who we are, leaving them as afraid of us as we are of them.
So I propose from now on we stop allowing fear, or what is easier, to dictate our actions. If we are to compare our struggle to that of those that came before us, we have to face that struggle as bravely as they did. We have to stop hiding who we are, and stop worrying what people will think of us. The only way to change the minds and hearts of the good people of California, is to let them get to know us. I hope the nationwide protest tomorrow will be the first step in this movement towards acceptance, making the nation aware of our presence everywhere. Because we need to let those who might imagine us way scarier than we actually are to see that we're just regular folks with famillies and diverse backgrounds and personalities. We need to make them understand that our sexuality isn't something we can just turn off when to be polite or to make them more comfortable. That we're gay all the time, even at a South Carolina truck stop.
The "Yes on Prop 8" people sent me some of their ridiculous crap in the mail. So I sent it back to them with this letter:
To Whom It May Concern:
I recently received the enclosed materials in the mail regarding “Proposition 8.” I guess perhaps it didn’t occur to you folks that in sending this material out to lots of everyday Californians, you might likely include gay, married people like myself. We’re part of your communities, part of the wonderfully diverse landscape that is California. Part of what makes our state, and our country, great, is that we have room for many viewpoints, including your own. And I believe you have every right to oppose gay marriage personally, and within your churches. But when you start imposing your views on others, and on the state, well, that’s where I have to draw the line.
Your literature says that the majority of Californians already voted on this, but that was many years ago, and many Californians have since come to understand that gay marriage poses no threat to heterosexual marriage. And even if a majority do oppose same-sex marriage personally, most Californians understand that legally, discrimination is wrong. At one time, a majority opposed interracial marriage. At one point a majority in the South favored slavery. It didn’t make it right or acceptable under the constitution, which thankfully now specifically guarantees equal rights to all of us.
You described the Supreme Court judges as “activists,” but the justice writing the majority decision was a self-described Republican. He did not base his decision on a political agenda. He simply knew enough to know that there is simply no legal basis for depriving people of their civil rights. “Tradition” isn’t enough considering the number of divorced and otherwise nontraditional families here in California, and to make a law that hurts these families is simply unconstitutional, whether those be gay families, or heterosexual families who are not married, or children of divorce. Frankly I am surprised that you have not campaigned against all families that are different from yours, or that go against your religion. Should you begin an equally public and funded campaign to make divorce illegal, based on its threat to traditional marriage, I might be more inclined to take a look at your materials.
You worry that same-sex marriage will be “taught” in schools, and feature ads with a little girl excited that a “king can marry a king and a prince can marry a princess.” Well, when I was a little girl, I was raised, just like all of us were, long before gay marriage was even a consideration, and I asked my mother why girls had to marry boys, and why girls couldn’t marry girls. She gave me all the appropriate answers for the time, involving reproduction and tradition. And yet, I still turned out to be gay. Homosexuality is not a choice. If you’re gay, you’re gay, and whether or not it is “taught” in the schools won’t change that. You can’t “teach” someone to be gay, or not to be gay. And whether we are “married” or not, gay couples will continue to exist, and have children, and by not allowing marriage, you hurt these families’ civil rights, but you do not prevent them from existing, because again, being gay is not “optional.” And if you asked most gay teenagers, myself included when I was one, they’d tell you they did everything they could to try to be like everyone else. And thanks to prejudice and discrimination, teen suicide among gays is not uncommon. Is that a “family value,” in your eyes?
You believe that it’s a choice to act on our homosexuality, but it’s not the government’s place to say that that choice is “wrong,” because your personal faith believes it to be. Would you want the government choosing your moral values for you?
You worry about threats to religious organizations, but no such threat exists. Churches are free to marry, and not marry whomever they please, thanks to the separation of Church and State, as outlined in the constitution. But since you bring up religion, I feel I should remind you of a passage from Romans I, the same book that allegedly condemns homosexuality:
“Let us not therefore judge one another any more: but judge this rather, that no man put a stumbling block or an occasion to fall in his brother's way.” (Romans I 13:2)
As a person of faith, I hope you will leave the judgment to God, and refrain from putting such a stumbling block into the way of your fellow Californians.
Thank you.
Arika Mittman
Santa Monica, California
I could explain this, but instead I'll just post a copy of the letter I sent to the Santa Monica department of public works today:
To whom it may concern:
I wasn't sure who to contact about this, but I felt compelled to write today after a very upsetting incident which occurred at the Santa Monica recycling center at 2401 Delaware Avenue. Please let me know if there's someone else to whom I should address my concerns.
First of all, I have been a Santa Monica resident for over ten years. I have never felt compelled to complain about any city services in all the time I have lived here... until now. I had an old, malfunctioning TV as well as a dead DVD player that I wanted to dispose of properly. I had read that such items should not be thrown in the trash as they can cause toxic pollution, and so I went on the Santa Monica city website and learned that Santa Monica residents can drop off such items at 2401 Delaware between the hours of 6 am and 2 pm. With much effort, I managed to lug this heavy TV into my car, and drove over at 11 am. When I got there, I was first ignored, and then told by the man at the gate that they were "closed." I told him I thought they were open until 2, but he said not today, and that it was only open for the recycling trucks. I asked when I should come back. He told me 6:00 am. I asked until when, and he said he couldn't tell me -- "We were only open an hour and a half today. Come between 6 and 6:30" I was surprised and somewhat doubtful that the city of Santa Monica would only allow its residents to drop off electronic recycling for a half an hour early in the morning, and bothered that he apparently was unable to tell me what hours they would be open, so I decided to call and double check. When I called, I explained what I was looking to do, and the man proceeded to grill me as to whether I lived in Santa Monica. I told him I did. Suspiciously, he asked "Are you a resident?" I told him I was. He then told me that if I was NOT a resident, I would be charged for the disposal, which he wasn't able to do right now. I assured him once again that I was a resident and that I have a driver's license to prove it. He then asked if I was a business. I told him no, I am just a resident who wants to properly dispose of a TV. He said I could come by and drop it off. I told him I had been turned away because they were "closed." He confirmed that they were closed, but said that since I was a resident, it would be okay. I said all right, I'll come back.
When I returned, the same man was at the gate. I told him the man I spoke to on the phone said that it was all right for me to drop off my TV because I was a resident. He would not allow me to drive in, but said I could park my car on the street (which was, technically, illegal in that area), and walk in and go up to the window. I followed his instructions. The man at the window scrutinized my ID, then asked me "Well, where is it?" I explained that it was in my car which the man at the gate wouldn't let me drive on. He said "tell him I said it was okay." I did so, and pulled my car onto the lot. Barely around the corner were some bins filled with electronic junk. I wasn't clear why this was so heavily guarded, but at least I was where I needed to be and could get rid of my items. I first tossed the DVD player, and when the man emerged from behind the window he walked up to my car. I told him, as I was walking back , that the TV was in the trunk, just to explain what I was doing. He approached the trunk with me and then told me, "It's amazing what people take for granted." I asked what he was talking about. He said "I know you didn't put this in your car yourself." Offended, I told him I most certainly did, how did he think it got there? He said "most people, their husbands put it in and then they just expect us to break our backs taking them out." I was offended and told him I didn't have a husband, I put it in the car myself and I was more than happy to take it out myself. He grunted and took it out for me. Appalled at how I was being treated here, I told him, "You know, I could have dumped this thing in the trash, I was just trying to do the right thing!" He barely looked at me and pointed to the exit and said "go out that way."
First of all, from the get-go, these guys acted like they were doing me a huge favor or like I had asked for some sort of special treatment. All I wanted to do was properly dispose of my TV. I would have even come back at 6 am if they had confirmed that that was required. I didn't beg and plead to bring it today; I simply tried to ascertain what hours a resident could bring electronics to be recycled. I was trying to be a responsible citizen! I would think that a city that has a whole department dedicated to sustainability would encourage this sort of thing, and yet I felt like I was doing something "wrong" the whole time.
And the way this man spoke to me was inexcusable. First of all, assumptions were made based on my gender and small size that I could not have lifted the TV and expected him to do so. I did move the TV into my car; I would have moved it myself and didn't appreciate being spoken to so derisively. Second, what if I had been elderly, or otherwise unable to lift it? Would it have been unreasonable to expect such a facility to provide assistance? Heck, the grocery store offers to help me bring my bags to the car! If they are going to be in the business of disposing of peoples' electronic items, many of which are large and bulky, common sense dictates that they should have available manpower or equipment to do so. But I personally did not ask for or need this; I was instead subject to insult and derision when all I was trying to do was throw away my TV. It just wasn't right.
I'm not asking for any sort of make-good; it's done now, the TV is gone, and I can resume my life, but I really think that city employees should be trained as to how to properly deal with the public. They should work the hours they say they're going to work, and provide polite customer service and assistance. I don't think that's too much to ask for the tax-paying, law-abiding citizens of Santa Monica. I would appreciate hearing your thoughts.
Yes, that was my morning. You know, I'm a nice person. I don't get people. I just don't.
God I am a terrible blogger! I seem to be much better at posting hourly status updates on facebook than I am at actually summing anything up, dissecting it and taking stock. But to be fair, it's been a busy couple of months. Since I last write I turned 34, met Joan Baez randomly at an Indian restaurant, got married at the zoo in Santa Barbara with all our family and friends, flew to North Carolina and back in less than 48 hours, had lunch with an Oscar-winning actor/director, and went to a roller derby for the first time in my life. Phew! Yes, it has been a stunningly busy wrap to a stunningly busy summer. I wish I could say I had a job at the end of it all though if I did I don't know how I could have possibly accomplished all of the above. But in the midst of all of the above have been a sea of meetings that also feel like a whirlwind, which I hope germinate into something along the lines of work... But in the mean time now I'm home with the cats, watching Gossip Girl, writing my thank-you notes, eating leftover chinese food and getting caught up on life in general. I suppose I should describe all of the above events, but really? I don't think I should try. Suffice to say, turning 34 was uneventful but warm and cozy with a couple of my besties, meeting Joan Baez was unexpected and surreal, getting married was rewarding and special and definitely the best party I've ever thrown, North Carolina was, well, when you buy your tickets at 7:00 and get on a plane at 10:30, a little nerve-wracking and exhausting, but the fact that Cindy's grandmother is still kicking around makes it worth it, lunch was, well, scary and awesome and hopefully part of a larger, grander plan, and roller derby was absolutely unique and fun. That's about all I can manage to say on the subject of my life right now but I'll do my best to write again sometime in the next month...
It has been a crazy summer... and technically summer's barely begun. Though it is my favorite time of year. I've been biking everywhere that I can, trying to not drive at all at least 3 days a week and being successful at that, though not having a job certainly makes that a bit easier. But I love feeling like I'm not dumping more toxins into the air, not expending overpriced gasoline, being out in the open air instead of in traffic. And I love where I live that there are so many places I can get to on my little bike. Yeah. That part of life is good. Oh and getting married August 31st, to get it all done while it is legal here in California... of course we hope it will stay that way but you just never know... SO. Getting married and planning a wedding quickly and thus avoiding being part of the culture of spending tons of time, money, and energy making decisions. We kind of just go with our guts on things and keeping the whole thing fun and not too stressful... at least not at the moment. Getting reply card in the mail is way, way more fun than you can imagine.
Anyway my life is very strange right now not just because I'm planning a wedding which is strange enough, but because I'm doing a lot of work on a lot of projects that could materialize into paid things, but it's all like if, when, jumping through a million hoops to get to that point. So, constantly busy, not getting paid, going to meetings which usually require some sort of preparation, and, yeah, getting married. But yes, it is July, my favorite month of the year and I kind of did nothing special on July 4th which is as it should be and which is kind of why it's my favorite holiday in the first place.
Constantly at war between what I should be doing and what I feel like doing. Can't seem to sleep later than 7:30 in the morning. Fear that the grain weevils have once again taken up residence somewhere in my kitchen and do not look forward to the search and destroy mission. Am by myself waaaaay too much of the time and worry that it will impact my already questionable social skills... Other than that, pretty much doing okay :) And definitely meaning to check in more...
Checking in from my hotel room at Manadalay Bay in Vegas... C is attending the NAB conference, leaving me to my own devices which thus far has meant losing $20 in slots, losing my room key card somewhere on the fake beach, and paying $7 for a smoothie. But the upsides are, I did spend a few calm hours relaxing on the fake beach getting a very real tan despite my good-girl 30 SPF sunblock, the hotel was kind enough to make me new room keys, and the smoothie was yummy and made with lots of real fruit. And I'm banning myself from gambling the rest of my trip here so that I can instead spend my money (ha. like i have any) at the Zappos outlet... which provides a FREE shuttle from the Luxor hotel next door... And in the mean time I'm chilling in the comfy little couchy nook in my hotel room. It's been a few years since I've been to Vegas and I really had forgotten how far superior the hotels are here to anywhere else in the world. So, that's awesome. And driving here from Phoenix after a GOOD visit with my mom, my brother, his wife and my little niece, we got to see the Hoover Dam and some pretty scenery, and one of the few routes through the desert of this vicinity that we hadn't ever been to before. The wind was furious today but it was still warm. Not as hot as Phoenix, which even exceeded MY comfort zone, which really only happens over 100 degrees. I prefer more like 90. But supposedly it was about 79 here today which was not bad at all despite the winds that carried my key card away.
I'm missing my cats, all four of them, but enjoying myself in the mean time. Trying to be a good girl and get some work done now...
So, yes, once again, sorry, it's been a while. Somehow it seems like I don't have a lot of time despite the fact that I don't have a job. Still, I seem to have a million responsibilities, things to take care of, places I need to fly, and cats to take care of... Starting with that, I seem to have acquired two more cats. How that came about is a long story, and I was supposed to find them a nice home... but once I get attached, I can't help but want to keep them. So now I might just be adopting the foster kids. Which would be no big deal except that C and I are trying to have an actual human kid now, and whether four cats and a kid will be excessive in this apartment, remains to be seen. But for the time being, such is my life.
Money would be good. Job would be even better. But writing, and the work I need to do at home, keeps me occupied, as do my travels and the aforementioned cats. I was up in San Francisco earlier this week to see Arwen in A Streetcar named Desire. Amazing production. Amazing talent, all around. Plus a nice visit up north when it was supposed to rain and miraculously, the weather held out. I always have the best food when I'm there. Had amazing butternut squash ravioli at a restaurant in Marin, and a yummy, YUMMY crepe back in the city before I left.
Now, I'm back in town, organizing my thoughts, organizing my brain, and preparing for whatever comes my way next.
